Mud Vein by Tarryn Fisher

mud vein

I’ve just finished reading Mud Vein and I’m not quite sure about what to say. It was terrific, heartbreaking, awful, powerful, extreme, and I could go on and on.

Be prepared to welcome greatness. Many hours have passed and I can’t stop thinking about it. Every second of every hour has been filled with scenes and quotes of the book. It literally refuses to abandon my mind, let alone my heart.

At the beginning, I didn’t know anything about this book. But for the cover and the many people that were too afraid to read it, I was expecting something so much different. Like a woman trapped inside a cage in a psychopath’s basement, or something horrible like that. Not that we found something pleasant, but it was so much more.

I must admit that at first I didn’t like Sienna at all. I didn’t really understand her. But, how could I? When she didn’t even understood herself! I guess it was only her soul mate’s revelation that finally made me empathize with her. I simply cannot accept that the story ends so soon for her. Why did she have to go after all she went through? It isn’t fair. But, once again, nothing was easy for her. Her life was so damn tough. I don’t know how someone can stand so much. You would think that a human can only take too much, but many people in the world show us that this perception couldn’t be more wrong. People can take serious things, and learn to survive with those burdens. Otherwise, we would be facing mass suicides every day, nothing compared to what we actually have.

I don’t really know how to explain how the book made me feel. I was anxious, scared, intrigued, and infuriated, all at the same time. Is that even possible? I didn’t get what I was receiving, but I was determined to know more from it, it was impossible to resist myself from it. The story was perfectly told. Every piece of information that we received, was the exact thing we needed to know in that moment of time. I’m so in awe about Tarryn, about how well she fit the pieces of it. It is truly impressive. About the plot, I have to say that I do find he ending quite happy, not in the way that I would’ve like too, but still, Senna was able to achieve her closure, that it was all she was asking for. Although for me, all was very depressing: her life before the kidnapping, the time that they were inside the “cabin of death”, and what happened after that. Furthermore, thinking about that they wouldn’t be able to reach their happy ending together as a couple, in the way that I expected at least, it hurts me a little. I’m not satisfied with all they had to suffer and what they finally got, even if for them seems enough.

I feel numb, like in a daze. There is so much information to process. How can a story make you feel as confuse as I’m feeling right now? I just don’t know. The cabin frightens me. I didn’t understand it while it was it happening and I still don’t understand it now. The purpose of the sick doctor doesn’t seem enough for me. It was so well planned, and so much pain was involved. They faced despair, depression and death so many times that something doesn’t fit. It was way too much to only find that they loved each other, not that finding your soul mate isn’t enough though.

“Tell me a truth, Senna.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Then tell me a lie.”
“I don’t love you.”
“The truth is for the mind,” he says. “Lies are for the heart. So let’s just keep lying.”

They went through hell so many times. I just, I don’t know. I don’t understand a thing. My head aches and I’m feeling uneasy. I didn’t expect what I was told. I’m surprised, and sad, I didn’t want for it to end, not in the way that it did. I think I’ll have to find comfort on her realization that they were going to be connected forever. That she will be expecting him, on the other side. Anyway, I still cry inside for them, for the love that they couldn’t express and the time they didn’t have. For the precious moments they wasted while they were trapped and the awareness that it doesn’t matter that they loved each other, when the times comes, we all die.

“We are all going to die, but I’m going to die first. In the very last second of my life, I will think of you.”

Now every book I have read just seems superficial. How am I supposed to come back to them after a story like this? How anyone can compare to Isaac? How anything could be worse than this? Nothing will ever be. Never.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

A couple of days after I wrote this, I found a letter from the author to us readers, and all finally made sense. I just can say: Tarryn, your mission was accomplished.

Dear Reader,

I am a writer and words are my weapon. I want to hurt you. I want my words to be salt, and I want to pour them into your open wound. I want my words to be jagged pieces of mirror that you can see yourself reflected in. I am a sadist otherwise known as an artist. My books are a call to women who have been doubled over by heartache, bound by boredom, captives of a past that will not let them go, victors of a past that tried to kill them. I have a disease you see, it’s called human nature, and I am fascinated by it. So, if you choose to read Mud Vein remember that about me. I’m not writing to entertain you, or to make money, or to have my book propped neatly on a shelf in Target. I write to explore the dark corners of myself, and I want you to come with me. I’m a little bit like you. I think you’ll see yourself in the pages of Mud Vein. I haven’t told  you very much about it on purpose. I want you to go in blind. I want you to stumble across a thought, a sound, a hurt-which you had thought special to you. And realize I have felt them too, someone you have never met. If you choose to read Mud Vein, please don’t ask yourself what it says, ask yourself what it means. And once you read my black words, on a white page, e-mail me and tell me your interpretation. I can’t wait for your thoughts.

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