I’m absolutely in love with this book. It was so good. Once I started reading it I wasn’t capable of putting it down. The story is so heart breaking and emotional that really leaves you craving for more.
“I wasn’t always in love with Colton Calloway; I was in love with his younger brother, Kyle, first. Kyle was my first one true love, my first in every way.”
Its first sentence pretty much tells you everything. Although, even when you know that something bad is going to happen, nothing could prepare you when it finally does. It hurts so badly and it’s sad, very sad. For me, it almost seemed that there were two completely different books inside of it. First you have the happy romantic love story about firsts, and then there’s the heart breaking part, where the characters are broken and their lives are a mess. I definitely prefer the first part, because I enjoy happy endings. However, something good came out of the bad, although for me it wasn’t good enough. Here I go…
Nell and Kyle have been best friends their entire lives. They live right next to each other and have grown up together. Everything was okay between them, until one day someone at their school tries to date Nell. It is only then that Kyle realizes that he wants to become something more to her, and surprisingly, she wants it too. And that’s when the magic begins.
“I know most people would say we’re just kids, or to young too know what love is. But screw that. I’ve known you my whole entire life. We have shared everything together.”
They have this sweet amazing relationship, where they discover this new world together and face it like one. After their first sexual encounter in a hotel on a valentine’s day, it couldn’t get any better. They spent two wonderful years together during the final years of high school. It was absolutely perfect. I really enjoyed reading these chapters. All was so new and intense, in a sweet perfect way. Kyle was a sweetheart, I really liked him. He was a dream come true, the hot best friend that also ended up being your first love. He was perfection, and I really was hoping that his story didn’t ended the way I suspected it. But it did. And it was awful. I always wonder why I read stuff like this if I suffer so much while reading it.
Anyway, all the good had to come to an end after the celebration of their birthdays (horrible, I know). It was their first trip as a couple, where each other parents finally accepted that they were no longer kids. Everything was perfect, except for the big elephant in the room. They wanted to go to different colleges which also happened to be a world apart. Nell wanted to go the East Coast, while Kyle was accepted into Brown…and maybe that’s what precipitated Kyle’s whole idea of proposing to Nell right in the middle of the road back home. It truly came out of nowhere; she definitely didn’t see it coming. What took me by surprise though, was the series of events that happened after that. Nell rejecting the proposal. The tree falling. Kyle saving Nell. Kyle’s death. I knew that it had to happen, but I really didn’t expect to lose him in that stage of their relationship. It was shocking, devastating and way too soon. I couldn’t believe that he was gone, just like that…
Nell’s reaction was sort of strange, but you can’t really judge her for that. She truly believed that it was her fault. And that’s the worse part of death I think, to meditate all the things that you could’ve done different in order to keep them alive. What didn’t fit for me though, were Colton’s appearance and their instant attraction. I actually believe in love at first sight, but you just can’t possibly be thinking in something like that at your boyfriend/brother’s funeral.
Now we get to the second part of the book a.k.a. the depressive one. I still don’t quite know how I feel about it. I really liked Colton and the story from his POV, but I have to say that I truly hated Nell and what was left of her. It was a completely different person, one that I didn’t like at all. Don’t misunderstand me; I do believe that the death of your boyfriend/girlfriend is one of the worst things that can happen to a human, so I comprehend her suffering. What I don’t accept is her way of dealing with grief. The cutting. The despair. And if you add “sex with the dead’s brother” to the mix, it simply doesn’t work. What actually saved this part for me was, in fact, Colton’s attractiveness. He is an amazing character, with great stories to tell. Not to mention his sexiness, that is always a plus.
“… when you feel that kind of all-consuming need for someone, a person you’d do fucking anything for, no matter what? They’re in your fucking skin, in your soul, like the essence of who they are is imprinted on you so completely like the very air you breathe… That’s love.”
He haven’t had it easy. He went through a lot since he ran away from home without any many and the support of his parents. He had a rough begining, but after the death of his girlfriend, he finally found and corrected his path. It surprise me though that he couldn’t read, not that it was something to be ashamed of. I love the fact that he was truly interested in Nell. He really wanted to save her. He would have been perfect for her if it wasn’t Kyle’s brother. Maybe I’m a little biased because I really liked Kyle, so his death sort of hit me hard and I cannot accept his replacement.
“You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on”
I thought that Colt was the perfect man to help Nell heal her wounds, but it wasn’t enough. And I hated it. Specially when she found out that she was pregnant and ran away back home. It was so sad to see Colt suffering after losing another baby. He broke my heart.
After all this, I don’t understand why I liked it so much even when the story didn’t ended the way I would’ve liked to. Perhaps the point is to find somehing that makes you feel, even though it isn’t exactly what you want. I fell in love with Kyle and his sweet gestures, suffered with Nell’s despair and swooned with Colt’s words. I cannot wait to read the next books. Excellent!
“One breath at a time. One day at a time. Wake up, and be shredded. Cry for a while. Then stop crying and go about your day. You’re not okay, but you’re alive, and you will be okay, someday.”